Gardening & yoga of action (part 3 of 3)
The next year came and went- I chose to take a year and just let things happen around me. I didn’t give up but I didn’t have the energy or strength to keep planting, weeding, to keep pulling back the layers. So I went about my days. I did enjoy parts of the yard, it wasn’t dreamy, and it wasn’t perfect. There was a lot of avoidance. Lots of blame, oh and the excuses. Not today, maybe tomorrow. I will look after it another time.
That’s when I saw what happens when we don’t apply tapas or discipline in our lives. It suffers. Habits get more engrained, problems don’t go away; the weeds grow bigger and stronger. If you don’t nurture plants the fragile ones die but some of the hardier ones will live on. So again over the winter, I planned, I set intentions; I bought new seeds, gloves again (didn’t really learn that lesson the first time). I decide this will be the year. Tapas. So I did it. I weeded and I planted. It was fun. I had a good-looking garden. But something was missing I felt disconnected to the earth. The weeds just kept coming back. I couldn’t keep up. I felt alone. So I did what we all do, I got distracted with life and moved on. My yard was pretty good, things were good, status quo. But is this really how I wanted to live?
The next year I was so busy I had time for nothing, I barley looked outside and when I did my hands rarely touched the dirt, sure I planted so veggies, but they didn’t get the love the nurturing they needed because I was so busy. Everything was just ok, it survived but did not thrive.
Last winter I got quiet. Really. Quiet. I practiced svadyaya or self study. What filled me up, what did I need more of, less of? Again. I started with my intention. I hired some help again. I had a plan. I picked up my old gardening gloves and got to work. But now my purpose, my intention is different. It is about balance. A little weeding mixed in with a lot of sitting and playing and than some more weeding. Something shifted, the picture got clearer. I started to see it differently. The weeds will always come back, that’s part of the process. Systematically working through each section of the garden bit by bit it gets nurtured, it gets loved. It starts to fill out; plants get healthy and so beautiful. There will always be weeds, which means there always needs to be disciple. But in the end I surrender. I let go of the perfect garden image and I get dirty. Play, enjoy, study and most of all surrender to the blessing it means to practice.